My thoughts.

Grief. It is such a unreal thing.
I have never experienced anything like it, thats for sure.
It is completely unpredictable.
Monday was an okay day. I felt pretty good, no major meltdowns.
But the past two days have been super hard. I don't know if it is the gloomy weather and being stuck inside, but it just hit me really hard. I am learning what it really means to live in God's grace, moment by moment. To take every thought captive to Him.
Because I have some crazy thoughts and some crazy fears. Because when someone you love dies, you start thinking about other people you love, too. It is just ridiculous.
Because my hope IS IN JESUS and I know that i have NOTHING to fear...our hope is not in this world.
But I am being attacked by those thoughts and I am claiming His promises. One being:
Hebrews 4:16:
"Therefore, let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."

Despite my heartache, even in the midst of the darkest moments, I have an inexplainable peace. A peace that ONLY comes from Jesus Christ. It is ONLY by His grace and mercy.
I do feel the Holy Spirit whispering things to me. Even some things Cade has said to me, I believe the Lord put in his mouth to comfort me. I am being broken and molded through this and I cannot make it through without Him. People keep commenting to me that I am so strong. But I'M not. HE is. I was telling Emily yesterday that I have been clinging to this song, just like she did in her hardest hours. I am so grateful that she posted it on her blog back in May. And Star, if your out there, I am so grateful that the Lord put this song in your heart. It has truly blessed me.

I am Strong in the Lord

I am strong in the Lord
and in the power of His might
I confess that my strength, it comes from Him.
On my own, I am weak
and I cannot see to fight.
But my strength, it comes from the Lord.

I lift my eyes up.
Where does my help come from?
It comes from the Lord,
Creator of Heaven and Maker of Earth.
He is the fortress of salvation
for His children as they cry.
You are the Lord,
you are the strength, the strength of my life.

You held out Your hand,
and Your healing power,
causing my eyes to see.
You poured down Your Word,
in my darkest hour,
teaching my heart to see...

That I am strong in the Lord
and in the power of His might.
I confess that my strength, it comes from Him, alone.
On my own, I am weak
and I cannot see to fight.
But my strength, it comes from the Lord..

Dad

Words fail me as I try to write this post. 
I want it to be eloquent and honoring, but my thoughts are so scattered right now.

My dad went to be with his sweet Jesus Saturday morning, August 9th. 

My dad was an avid reader of this blog since he lived in Fort Worth, and I want to do him right by this post.
My dad was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis over 15 years ago. He has struggled for a long time with pain and other sickness that went along with the disease. We lost my grandma(his mom) in 1996 and he really struggled with that. 
He would be the first to admit to you his faults and I feel like to bring him honor I need to give a little back story. 
He struggled for many years with addiction to his painkillers. 
In the last year, God had transformed his life completely. 
He went to live in Fort Worth with a good friend from high school and his wife and daughter. They ministered their socks off to him and God brought forth the fruit. I had not seen him this happy in years. 
He even got his drivers license on Friday and he had wanted that for years. 
In the last year, he got to spend a lot of time with us and Cade and Chloe and with my brother. He was getting to ride a bike, and go camping, and play golf....things he had not been able to do for years. 
But most of all, he was growing closer everyday to his Lord and Savior. 
I am so thankful for that and for the fact that he died in his sleep, in peace. 
I have no doubt in my mind that he is dancing with angels in Heaven and he is with his sweet mom, my Grams. I have no doubt that my God is Jehovah-Rapha and that my dad is completely healed and perfect.
People keep asking me the "cause of death" and we still don't know what is physically is. But I know that the cause of death is that God numbered his days before the foundations of the earth and that it was his time. I find such comfort knowing that this is no surprise to my God. He knew he would be called home at that exact moment. 
I know that I will grieve and cry and mourn, and I am hurting more than I ever have, but I know that my dad would not want me or anyone to go around being sad for him. He wants Jesus to be glorified through his life and death and I plan to help that happen.
Last time he was in town, just a couple of weeks ago, he kept telling my brother and me how proud he was of us and how much he loved us. 
He wrote me and Cody a letter. 
He hugged Cade and Chloe so many times. 
I just wonder if he knew. I believe that he might have. I believe that he might have been talking to God, a lot.
So, whoever out there is reading this, please pray for our family and for peace. I pray that other family members are finding peace in the Lord like I am and that I can share that peace with them.
I love you dad with all my heart and I am so thankful for you. I will miss you more than words can say. But I find such hope in knowing that I will see you again one day. Please know that your memory and life will live on and that with Jesus I will live to glorify your Creator through this.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18
"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light, momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we do not look to the things that are seen, but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."

* My dad was a youth pastor back in the day and still had a great passion for young people to be reached for Christ. If you feel so led, in lieu of flowers, we are asking for donations to the Greater Houston Region of Young Life. 
You can send donations to: 
Young Life Greater Houston Region
900 Town and Country  
Suite 302
Houston, Texas 77024-2226

*His obituary can be read on www.chron.com. His name is Jeff Taylor.


Happy Birthday Chloe!



OK, get ready for the mommy cliche'....

I can't believe my baby girl is ONE! Chloe had a great birthday today. 
We are so blessed with family and friends who love her and her brother so much.
I will post some pics later this week of her party. 
Chloe girl, mommy and daddy's biggest prayer for you is that in the Lord's timing, you come to know what Jesus did for you on the cross and you give your life to Him. We love you more than words can say and thank God for your sweet sweet life EVERYDAY!!
Happy Birthday baby girl!!

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